Emo Notepad

Here, with no preamble or apology, is a data dump of everything on my emo notepad. I have to do this once in a while so that I can see if the written emo’s have been resolved enough for me not to keep them around. They get written when they are new, suddenly-epiphanized thoughts that may or may not impact me, depending on how I end up feeling about them. Sometimes they are also what my new boyfriend** drops into a conversation all casual-like for me to ponder when I have the time. Well, so much for no preamble, eh? 
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Multifarious - having great diversity or variety; of various kinds, diversified.

Postulant - spiritual ‘bottom’ without a power exchange relationship with the spiritual ‘top.

“Giftedness is a greater awareness, a greater sensitivity, and a greater ability to understand and transform perceptions into intellectual and emotional experiences.” - Annemarie Roeper

You are responsible for your own happiness.

I want a couch that folds into the floor.

I want to see if I can set a person on fire using a parabolic mirror. And yes, I do have a candidate in mind.

Bellwether - A leader of a movement or activity; also, a leading indication of future trends.

Do light bulbs actually emit light, or do they absorb dark?

Drum corps I marched in, in chronological order: Praesidium, Northstar, Windsor Guardsmen, Ventures, Oakland Crusaders.

May 23, 2006: BF tells me he just got the second best blowjob of his life. Both were from me.

On his infidelity: “For something that has made such a huge impact on my life, it should have meant more to me than it actually did, when all was said and done.”

Things I like the scent of: incense, thunderstorms, wood fires, red wine, Earl Grey tea, sandalwood, clean sheets, Elmer’s glue, pencil shavings, old books, searing beef, the roasting, tortured souls of those who toy with emotions.

He said that in my defense, I ask him the questions that he doesn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t ask himself. He says that normally he needs to hear those questions so that he can properly process whatever is going on in his brain at that time.He said that when he tried to understand some of the things that I was momentarily fascinated with, he got frustrated because he could not see the appeal, he could not wrap his mind around a few things that I found interesting for a brief time, and researched/investigated online. Like ‘genital mutilation’. I found a set of pictures online along with a brief recounted experience of why the person in the series of pictures felt the need to divest himself of his own nutsack in his kitchen with his kitchen utensils. When I researched further into this phenomenon (my morbid curiousity is huge; I did this the same way one slows down to see if there are any brains scattered around a car accident), he at first thought he could share the fascination with this, as he had with numerous other things I have researched online, but when he couldn’t find it inside of him to find the same level of (ever brief) intensity to know more about it, he was frustrated because he knew it must have worth as a subject, because I was looking at it. He knows now that I have a need at times to figure out how I feel about something by exploring it way past a normal level of curiousity. This event took place two years or so ago, and it frustrated him so much so that I became a puzzle to him. That he remembered it after all this time, even after I had all but forgotten about it rather amazes me.

Ennui - Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from boredom and lack of interest.

Protean - 1. Displaying considerable variety or diversity; 2. Readily assuming different shapes or forms.

Friends of different generations can often have inequal power dynamics between them.

Sleep can be amazingly healing, for both the body and the spirit.

“Desired by many, wanted by none.” - anonymous quote by some slag of a porn star

I’d sketch Neil Armstrong, but I haven’t got a goat skull.

What beautiful negligence you wear!

If you daydream about me, I will replace you.

I found out at my recent (May 4) physical that I am not immune to the mumps. That bit of news was the most surreal I have received in a long time.