Ten Things To Ten People

Here is a list of ten things I would say to ten different people that I know. I am not telling who each particular thing would be said to. No mention will be made as to whom these statements are directed. No badgers were harmed in the making of this post, and at no time did my fingers leave my hand.

You are the first woman that I have been attracted to sexually in years.
I told you she would come up pregnant to trap you, but you didn’t listen and now are a married father of two with a panicky gray look in your eyes, and you are only 24.
Gangrenous slit. I would happily pop your eyes out with a grapefruit spoon and skullfuck your empty eye sockets, if I had a cock. I might go and buy the biggest one I can find and do it anyway, just for the sheer joy it would give me to hear you scream and know that I would be the very last thing you ever saw in your miserable, pathetic excuse for a life.
I could have learned so much from you, like how best to look someone in the eye when I lied to them, or how to manipulate people I don’t like, how to always look exquisitely busy when I had nothing at all to do, and how to create a chaos storm around me and have to leave work early due to the excessive stress of having to be forced to work with such incompetent twats.
I am confident that someday you will actually grow a sack.
One of the few regrets I have is that I did not take full advantage of the generous and fascinating offer you made me when I was 20. I still learned quite a bit from you, though.
You have always made me able to laugh. That has never been an easy accomplishment but very simply, I love you for it.
If I had ever had a daughter, I would have wanted her to be just like you. Yes, sir. Just like you.
I have always been amazed at how easily you can find something to love about almost anyone, even the most unlovable swinging dicks on the planet.
I feel partly responsible for you becoming a call girl who specialized in BDSM, contrary to what you have told me repeatedly over the years. I must have made it all sound pretty damn appealing.

About this entry

Currently reading “Ten Things To Ten People,” an entry on m o o d g a r d e n

Published:: 05.18.06 / 9pm

Category:: Uncategorized, Modern Social Commentary

Smirkle 05.18.06 / 11pm

I am guffawing none to quiet like in the library with Miss Scarlet (I’m beginning to think I AM Miss Scarlet) but I do not have a grapefruit spoon coming my way or a sack either. I hope. *muffled chortling into my cleaverage*.

Blyght 05.18.06 / 11pm

*laughing* Well, Miss Scarlet, you do in fact NOT have a grapefruit spoon or a sack coming your way, nope. You are gonna get kicked out of the library with the lead pipe if you don’t quieten up that loud cleaverage of yours, I daresay. There is probably a 90 year old woman with lips like a drawstring purse staring at you over her trifoculars right now.

Lessa 05.19.06 / 9am

Darlings! I MUST KNOW! Is Smirkle who I think she is?? For the familiarity tis there, indeed, within the banter and giggling cleavages…

–
And oh my. Numbero three? Had me chortaling and hoping muchly that someone video tapes such pummaling for postarity!

–
Clearly Lessa should have more caffeine before commenting as likely it made no sense, other then the vivid imagry made me cringe and chuckle at the same time. *L*

(because it wasn’t me… naturally, right? cuz ya love me, ya do, and only wanna make me cry a wee lil bit, not blind and toture me, yes? Paranoid? of COURSE not! It’s just… everyone’s out to get me! *shining grin*)

Blyght 05.19.06 / 9am

*laughing* Yes, Smirkle is who you think she is, but tell nobunny as it is a secret! And no, number three isn’t about you, O Ye of Almost-As-Much-Paranoia-as-I-Have. Yes, I only wanna make you cry just a little tiny bit and not blind and torture you. How could I wanna remove eyes so bluuuuue and beeyouteeful as yours!?

Lessa 05.19.06 / 11am

I KNEW IT! *pounces the Smirkle-y chortling cleavage-y one!* MWAH! I shall keep it secret oh I shall I shall but oh! How good to see you two bantering back and forth again! Missed it, I did!

(still no coffee. Obviously. *L* dammit where’s me ride on me chariot o’caffiene goodness??)

(phone call - ahHAH! THERE he is… oh wait. Sigh. Still 30 minutes to go…)

(ahem. *shining grin*)

(Ps - in yet another parenthetical (OH! 5 dollah word!) aside! Careful, talkin bout me eyes like that and I’ll start thinkin number 1 is me! *Wiggles brows*)

Ahem! now! I must pack! for I leave in 30 minutes and will be gone for 2 days and have only JUST NOW begun to pack! sheesh!

Blyght 05.19.06 / 11am

*tugging on yer shirt* Butbutbut..where are you goooooing? When will you be baaaaack? Will there be cake? Will there be presents?

*grinning* Yeah, we missed the bantering too. We have been doing it all private-like in Yahoo and email, but you know..it is just not the same as doing it somewhere it will be for all posterior. *ahem*

And still loves those eyes, yes I do.

I must be goooooing to a builders school for me busyness up in Anchortown! I shall be leaaaaaaaving in 30 minutes or so (and still have to PACK!) but fear not! for I shall be returning bright and late in the lack of moonlight (for tis summer and the sun, she does shine long time here!) tomorrow night!

Tis a short but jampacked trip, where i must make time for a trip to wallyworld to find a new bike for the pup who’s legs are MUCH long and thus she needs a BIG GIRL BIKE for her birfday which was yesterday but the party tis Sunday after I return, yes indeedy. The Papa - he said “so if we find one, are you wanting to bring it home?” and I went “blink. blink. Um. That’s sorta the point…” and he went “damn! must clean out the van then.”

Now tell me - if I find a bike, why would I not be bringing it home?? Confused, I is, and blond too (under all the haircolor, i swear tis true!) but I am not THAT blond…

*bats me baby blues yer direction*

My EYES! I must pack my EYES! (in the form of the flimsy lil plastic thingys that make it so I can actually see. hee!)

Oh, a builder’s school? Why does that sound sorta fun? Will you get to wear toolbelts and flannel shirts? =] It is moon-free there now? Doesn’t the perpetual sun drive you craaaazy?

And the pup is getting very tall, indeed. I have been following her pics on your blog. And hey, maybe you were gonna have the bike shipped home iffn you found one. See, he is a perfect man; he never assumes anything at all about women. Very wise.

Well gogogo and pack..and DON’T FORGET YER EYES!

AH! he is HERE!

and yes, he’s been well trained!

and i’m OFF! (and no toolbelts, darnitall. Tis a builders school for me mind. They are terrified of what they find there on a regular basis, however. hehe!)

Bye!

Joe Roe 05.19.06 / 1pm

God, I hope I’m not number 3…….

Blyght 05.19.06 / 1pm

Nope, Joe, you are not number 3. =] Hey, should you be looking at this stuff while you are at work? How’s the new database coming along?

Joe Roe 05.19.06 / 9pm

Phew! Actually, I hope I’m not any numbers The new database blows. It really sucks being someone that’s accountable because no one else is, so guess where the buck stops? You guessed it! The receptionist (A.A) put in her two weeks yesterday, the job coordinator (G.W.) had an interview yesterday afternoon, and I had one last week. Gonna be a fun summer at &.%.$.

Blyght 05.19.06 / 9pm

Joe, that database has sucked for over a year now. And I hear that two more folks are gonna get the boot on June 1. *the ladies upstairs* So, are you stuck doing all the stuff I used to do PLUS the stuff you used to do?

Not surprised that so many folks are figuring out which way the wind is blowing there. Is A.D. still all gung-ho about everything? Is he even still there?

Smirkle 05.20.06 / 2am

Oh yes I am who you think I am or I was before I became myself, my new and improved self rather. *thinks about that a looong moment and gives you a SQUISH and a loud but never lewd MWAHing*

Now remember, you are sworn to modesty or secrecy or some such. SHHH.
:)

DragonFly 05.20.06 / 12pm

Lessa….. Modest? Bwahahhahahaha…. I needed the giggle thank you!

Joe Roe 05.22.06 / 7am

He’s still here, and he’s kinda all gung ho. He’s gung ho about us holding up our end of the bargain so when the “stuff’ does hit the fan we’re not the scapegoats. Oh well, hopefully I’ll be gone by then

Blyght 05.22.06 / 9am

What ‘bargain’ is that, Joe? =]

Meghan Mathes 05.24.06 / 10am

Hey Dawn!
Just wanted to keep in touch with you. Justin and I are sitting here reading your blog and curious if we are one of those numbers. 0:) hehe. Well I hope all is well. Have an amazing summer and take care. Miss you.
Meghan

Blyght 05.24.06 / 10am

Hi Meghan and Justin! Taking a break to tiptoe through the blogosphere, are ye? =] And nope, neither of you are any of those numbers at all. Soooo, telltelltell! How are things with you both? Jeez, I miss seeing the two of you.